My Journal
Shanghai
Summer
2004
6-26-4
It is Sunday morning @ 7:35am Shanghai time. I have gotten moved into my residence @ Fudan University Guest House. I had a run and got lost, but found my way back after asking directions. I walked through a couple of markets and got myself some fruit and a breakfast. There will be many options for breakfast, but the tea shop were I will spend the majority of my time is closed in the mornings. I have already talked with two of the Shanghai fellows and the director here. Today I am going to a graduation party for my partner Chen Luyi. He will continue to live at his university but we will meet up when socializing and going to work. I will try to find the pool and the hours of the gym today before I leave. I the library should be quite useful if I can get an entry card. Other than that I spoke with my mother who has my number.
6-27-4
So soon already does the pressure release. Like a wound up spring it gets tighter until the limits are found. My second day in China was un-forgettable. I went for a run and found a track. I went through the campus and around town into the markets. I had breakfast, some fruit, milk and an egg sandwich. I walked around with two of the fellows and found the pool and cafeteria. I then traveled across Shanghai to my partners school and had lunch with him. We went to his lab and dorm then got on a bus with ~30 of his friends to play badminton and basketball all afternoon. We had a great time. The dinner to celebrate three students graduation was epic. Lots of food, people drinking, and people cheering. I made it back to talk to mom and then go to read @ the tea shop til late. Too late probably as I got past my limit in oversleeping this morning. John
6-28
Boy did I sleep in late. I feel really relaxed, but I sure might get caught having to wait for things, which I hate. I think I will take today easy and read. Maybe the gym this afternoon after swimming with Luyi and getting an IDP registration for my cell phone to call America. Breakfast is working out great, about three options. I will write my journal in the mornings. I have a favorite bench already. I also have made a good entrance to the tea shop so it won’t be too bad if I fall asleep reading there. I have not yet decided if I want to get my email. I don’t think I do. The problem could be the conference, but if I have my cell phone and Emma’s help along with Jingjing’s, I should be able to get along. I want to find some paint, brushes and canvas. Maybe watercolor to start with but I would like to have a couple of paintings going at once. John
6-29-4
I wrote 19 letters that were all dated one day ahead. Oops. I found my place for breakfast. Whole milk, break with scallions and a sweet role. I will also have a banana in the room. The family that sells the bread speaks some English. I must learn to say good morning. There is a gnome like man walking towards me. He has big dark glasses on. I might call my mom during breakfast, but I will talk to her everyday during her morning. I have decided to take it easy again today. I will see about going on a run tomorrow morning before work. I like it here. I have gotten so far to nowhere on my research. I need to know what I should prove or show. I think I will write a simulation of BBR then add gravity and EM. It has to be harder than I think. I need to separate temperature from eigenstate. The use of a computer code will allow differences in dictionaries to solve the motion, but complexity in simulation will be huge. John
7-1
I did not skip a day, I had my watch set incorrectly. I used the phrase, ‘Zhou Shang Nouw’ to say good morning to the watch man, the people at the track and the family where I get my breakfast. I would like to learn how to say ‘tomorrow’ so I can say that when I leave the breakfast store. I had a productive evening with the fellows. We will most likely get the housing paid for. Today is the first day of work. Not too sure what we will do as I have not had an internship where the project assigned to me is either doable to takes longer than a half a day. See you tomorrow. John
7-2
The local environment is all that an object has to compare itself with. I can remember a distant event, but the physical space that stores that memory is local. I say this because I dreamt of Steve Spielberg this morning when I decided to sleep instead of going for my run. It reminded me of a lot of things but it also gave me a comparison to see how I am doing. The amount of computation we all do to maneuver around w/o hitting each other is so large that the small items we think about are easily overwhelmed by non-conscious thought. In mixing multiple memories and retaining the better parts of each, a new memory remains.
7-3
There must be a simple way to describe motion. A local set of rules, or rather a set of local rules that have certain restrictions or bounds but give all the observed scientific phenomena. There must be a simple set of local rules where by if a particle follows these rules, then it will act in such a way that all observed phenomena can be explained. If the preceding statement is true, then how can you adjust a particles actions to get different phenomenal. Is it all initial conditions? How does choice enter the equation? How can my limited understanding describe all of this, especially when I am susceptible to fault. John
7-4
The swings of my hormones are for the purpose of overlap. {A picture of two Gaussians offset and overlapping} I have some great ideas, but they are only simple when they are by themselves. I read the
Declaration of Independence this morning. Jefferson surely writes well. I will have a wonderful day. John
7-5
Monday morning. It brings with it a new haste. The trends of a week can either carry over or can start new. I find I am going through that in my life. New friends for example. I also want to start a new relationship w/out any breaks in it. I don’t want to look back and ever think that something was more important than us. I don’t know if I am saying that because I am not with someone now and I am mad at the past relationships that could not stay together, or if I just want more.
7-6
I have a great idea to use the DBM for gravity. If I contract the number of steps that make up the saw tooth probability function then I get a difference in probability for any step that is equal to a/R. What that means, I don’t know but it is a starting point. In other things I have altered slightly my morning breakfast. I also have had the air-conditioner installed in my room. I have not turned it off, so I guess I will need to get to the Karno Cycle before I leave. John
7-7
Another overcast day in Shanghai. I like these days as they are not too hot. Yesterday a fluke thunder storm came by and drenched the town just as I was about to go swimming. It did not clear up by 4:00 so I could get in the water. As usual my research goes so far but only so far. I re-read my paper on classical diffusion and it is really good. I used lots of words and arguments that flowed well. I need to write something. John
7-8
I am going to write some letters today. Jon Pettersen and Robert Zhang to start. I had a great night sleep. From about 2:30 or maybe even 3:30 to 6:30. I dreampt of Bono. I told him I have found independence and then asked him if he had a good year. He said he wrote a lot but he did shy away from a question about kids. I slept more and dreampt about Luyi going to a concert with me but then having to do something else, then about an android being controlled by a balding man. It was very 1984/Foundation. Then I had a very good dream and then I made it to breakfast.
7-9-4
I wonder how I can keep the expectations I have of other people constant? I can hear myself say what will be acceptable in a relationship and then I can hear myself say a contrary set of restrictions or requirements at the same time that I am remembering the old set. I tell myself it is ok because I am thinking it now. I have been punished so many times for being indecisive. Examples can show when I get a bad result when I don’t make up my mind. John
7-10
I got a new pen, duh. HonZouj was mostly miserable. I got in and the taxi driver went one way, then the other way then let me out in the middle. I walked to the lake and I heard a great sidewalk performance of a women and a man signing opera. It was great until a police man came to ruin my enjoyment and told me I could not lie on the grass. I walked 1 hour to my hotel and they had given my room away. They called Emma @ 10:30pm w/o asking me then asked to charge me 50% more than they had said. I left and found I needed a passport to stay anywhere else. I decided to read and sleep in the train station and take the first available train home.
7-11
I am in a great mood. I saw Dr. Kennedy and Dr. Osgood in my dream last night letting me know how much I will be able to say in my thesis. My subconscious is telling me I have can say as much a(s) people can follow. I did not talk to mom, but Dad was great to speak to. He was at an antique store on a break from his firm retreat. Mom was on her way there after being w/ grandma, whom I spoke to too. Today Thesis + Karyoke. John
7-12
Yesterday was so much fun. I got some really good results on the computer then went karyoking. We sang lots of Chinese and American songs. There was a buffet with terrible treats and wonderful treats, like small pumpkin pies. We went for hot pot and the(n) visited a Porsche CT that sole for Million US, although I thought it was 1Million RMB. The team was all the guys and Jing Jing. Max is leaving today for Hong Kong. I have to go to work and then tonight leave to go back to HangZhou. Once again I am unable to focus on one person. Is that because my mind is wandering or because the person I want to focus on does not want me to stay?
7-13
I am on a bus from HangZhou. My stay was much better. I played ping pong w/ LuYi and I gave a ? hour talk to 30 people. We went to a pharmaceutical company where InfoTech performed a test of their power. I got a call from the cruise and from Sarah Fu at the SCDC. LuYi and I will have lunch on Friday at their campus. I ran around the lake this morning and I am still unable to keep my thoughts on one person. It seems futile to try because I can not believe that any one person would want me to be so obsessive unless they were to call me, which no one has. I feel like I am trying to push a doctrine that is unwanted by others, but is forced upon me to adhere to. John
7-14
I am doing really well. I got back to Fudan and I had dinner at the usual place. I wrote a letter and then had a beer while talking to the family. I think they are a family, but I am not sure. I unpacked and went to the café where I wrote about 6 more letters. I then made phone calls to Kichoong, Tom Byers, and James Boettecher. Tom was fun. He just finished a book, was very busy, will be in Switzerland the week after the ATI conference but wants to know about things here. James was away and Kichoong and SonGu called me back at ~ 3:00am. Songu has only been visiting my place and has another place to hang w/ his friends. I think it could be nice if my parents stayed at Chez MP. John
7-15
There are too many things going on. I enjoy them all, but I get tired after a while and I don’t know which one to cut. Just the smallest sign that I want to pull back, I feel that so much of me is taken away. It would be nice to have a quantitative measure so that I can see how I compare to myself when I have been in different situations before. The problems with that thought is that I would need to be reminded of my past, which is what I am striving for. Knowing my past, to evaluate, interpret, place, and remember my present. Sometimes however, I would rather be in my head than where my body is. The strange thing is (which I really do know deep down) is that I make waxing and waning advances on progress. John
7-16
A picture of a unicorn, the sun with the hydrogen symbol in it, and four symbols on top of each other, a Jewish Star, a Christian Cross, an Onyx, and a Buddhist wheel.
7-19
I missed two days in my Journal. One because I did not get up before 5:00 am when LuYi and his biking friends came by Fudan where we left for the Docks. Then yesterday on the Hans Du (sp?) {drawing of the smaller of the two islands off the coast of Shanghai separating the Yangtze from the East China Sea} we biked, saw the sun rise, had two great lunches and a BBQ in the dark. I wrote an entry but on a different notebook. Last night we had a very productive conference meeting. That is if everybody remembers what they are supposed to do. I have some phone calls to make and I have spent RMB 1150 on calls already that is not too bad averaging ? hour/day ~ 10 hours 600 minutes or 50cents/minute. John
7-20
Are things homogeneous? No Why do I feel that way? What I am trying to say is that ever since I have been having so many failures at Stanford, I realize that no failure or success is worth crying about or celebrating. It is all monotone. However this also says that I can not put something aside and trust that it will stay valuable. This is in reference to my relationship with a girl since I feel that any good feeling I have about any of them is destroyed if I don’t constantly remember it. And as we all know, if something is constant than it is homogeneous, see my point? John
7-21
The days march on. I leave for camping tonight and don’t return for 4? days I will have gone w/o camping since probably Kennolon, which was about 16 or 18 years ago. The rest of my China trip is already booked. So is the International Conference Center on the 28th of August for ATI. I have to prepare for a talk w/ InfoTech on the 5th which means Tuesday will be busy. I have a few things to say to Professor Walt today and if I don’t get a letter from him by Monday, I will email. I want to call Jori and write to someone else. Good Day! John
7-22
It is about 9:00pm at an ancient Chinese Village. We took a train all morning then three busses stopping at villages or small towns to get to where we met our guide. He was lame in his right foot, smoked, but led us over the mountain to this hidden village that had a bull blocking the walk way, three communist officials for pictures on the walls, and a water system to fill the rice beds and give partial running water. We set tent, ate broke tent and I am lying on a hard bed at the relative of the owner of the first house we set tent at, who is the master of the village. I learned a lot, like that sex before marriage is very rare in China. It is talked about some in the dormitories, but not usually in the open. I also learned that dialect is difficult for a Mandarin people to understand. J
7-23
It is before 7:00am in the village. Everybody is awake and almost packed. Porridge, (Oatmeal) is being made and we will have a long day of walking. There is an older man, a younger man, and a girl about 10 who are watching me write by the creek. The terrain is like no other. The color is all different shades of green. Not as many as Ireland, but enough to cover the hillside. I will wear shorts w/ my trail shoes. I just noticed the little girl had a crab tied to a string. I asked if it was her pet? Like most times my words went understood but not what I exactly said. There have been some overly eager attempts to please and help me, but this has gotten me tied in the stomach as I need my space. John
7-24
Realizing what you are doing is a clue that you are either not paying enough attention to what you are doing, or there is not enough content (substance) in what you are doing from keeping you from getting board. I have not so much idea as to what I am doing. I hope it is because of the former. We are on a solid rock beach. We camped, had hot Tang, and had dinner, talked and sat by the fire. The valley we are in, is quite far ~30-50 km from anything else. The insects are not that bad, but the sound of the creek that led from the water falls yesterday, sounds almost as good as the sandy beaches of LJ
7-25
zapper@sjtu.edu.cn
lilya000@hotmail.com
East Apart 102 room
Songmuchang HeDong Community
Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province
PRC
Postcode 310007
I am on the bus to Lincoln. We made it to the village last night. The rain came after a rope decent. It was hairy at times. We ran into 3 from HangZhou who came from the village were a leaving. They were headed to Lincoln. We thought we were close @ 4:00. I got dark and we pushed on. @ 8:30 we made it to a road after climbing across the mountain in the dark. We all decided to continue on the road and @ about 10:30 made it to dinner and beer. And a shower. John
7-26
After some bumps bruises cuts and successes, I am back @ Fudan. We took the train all night. All in all, we ate, swam and walked. I felt like I could only realize what I was doing when I had a second to look up at the Valley I was climbing down. The village, Linken, was a place to reflect on what I find important. I wish I did not always have to chase after the girl I like. Why can’t I just like the girl that likes me? While I feel that I have never been this capable, I also feel like I am somewhat resentful. John
7-28
I am on the train. 12 + 3 hours of sleep. I could not find ice, but I think I might get some rice chicken and an egg. I don’t like not having immediate recollection of my thoughts, or feeling like my muscles need to warm up, but I needed the sleep. I also hate feeling that any of the girlfriends I have ever had have not been fair to me. I don’t know if any relationship I know of is worth attempting to fix. That said I don’t know why I find it so terrible to just be friendly with any of them? The answer is that I disrupt things too much and they disrupt me and what I have to do too much. As it stands I would be better off single than w/ any of the relationships that I have been apart of. {Pictures of a refrigerator, a glass with ice in it and a chicken}
7-29
Still at port @ Yinching. I got a sound sleep. Although I had a disturbing dream, but that was solved by new news and another dream about water polo and righteousness. I looked over the boat. Two large life boats and eight rafts. The observation deck is nice and I might run around in the early morning. The weight room is not much, but I could get a shave for 80 RMB. The cost of the boast cruise will be nothing more if I stick to the complimentary meals. It should be very nice and relaxing. I have some writing to do. I also dreampt about Professor Inan. Not him but talking about him. I wish I had a meter for the density of substance. Not so much for me, but for others so that I can get a take on how hard they are trying. I have one, but it is not uniform in its levels. But still each item is important. John
7-30
Transportable power. That is what is needed. Also a feulless way to transport (apply force) Picture of a four sided volume. Strange, would x<=t*c be better I am abstract because I am not being disciplined. I am throughly enjoying myself. It is a big world. Take it slow. John
7-31
I am starting to feel the sensation of work coming back to me. I wonder if I could take another cruise like this one right back to back. I probably could, but I have used this exquisite time and I must get going. Tomorrow Chongqing, Dazu Chengdu. I have been formulating a plan for my thesis. Chapters and results. Some parameters still need fixing like phase and step number maybe ??=N2?/(N+1). Also I have to give self interference and radiation, although they might be the same. I will enjoy my last day here and am too excited to give the gifts I got away, but I will wait until Christmas for family gifts. My mom and Dad’s real gift might work if I can find it in the states. John
8-1
How to share? How to critically damp? I had a great day. Almost all of my Christmas gifts are gotten.
Mom-Starbucks, red jar,
Dad-Victoria Cruises, bowl, hat, wood,
Jori-shoes, Disney
Michael-stockings, tea set
Barbara-sewing
David-punch, 3 gorges book
EA-
John&Anna Marie-Fudan Shirt
Johnny-swords
Shelly-scroll, LV purse
Sue-
Steve-Harry Potter, basketball
Debbie-purse from “hanging coffin museum”
Danny-Soccer shirt
Dee-Sandals
Grandma-figure
Grandpa-hat, dinosaur
Mike, Steve-binoculars
Midori-fun top
Karen, Kimi-
Mieko-jade bowl
NOTE: I will add after 8-1
8-2-4
I am on the trip of my life. I am doing things that I imagined years ago, but I am seeing things I could not have imagined. Today I will travel to see one of the five main Buddha sculptures in China. What kind of other sacred object will I find? The mountain of Emei is steep and beautiful. I will take lots of pictures. I shall stay the night and return to Shanghai, my dorm, my presentation and the conference. The thesis is getting intricate, but maybe I can convince Professors to listen to a discretization of squared space. ie x^2->x^2+dx^2 that way {picture of right triangle} x^2+y^2=t^2 => automatically obey the speed of light for any possible string. John
8-3
Since last night around 9pm, I have been in the biggest Thunderstorm of my life. After walking from the top summit to the peak of Emei mountain, I walked around the base of the park by where my hotel is. I went to a temple and walked along the stream. I had dinner at a house off the beaten path. They sat me at a table over looking the stream and brought me tofu, rice, salted pork, and vegetables. I played solitaire and had a beer. I came back, tried to use the ATM, but that and the internet were not working for me. I read more of my relativity book, fell asleep, dreampt of Professor Inan, Headmaster Teitleman, and woke up for my last day of the excursion. John
8-4
Back in Shanghai. I met with Shirley, Dennis, and on the phone with Katherine. The money for the gifts is under contention. I have decided to give what was given to me, to the other fellows and I will find my own gifts. The problem with asking other people for help is that you not only depend on them, but that you must accept what they offer. I don’t mind changing, but only for functional reasons, not to placate the whims of the people who are helping. That said, there are some things as a free meal. John
8-5
The day of my talk to InfoTech. I have made slides that I hope LuYi can translate by 1:00pm. I need to get to know the slide show before my dissertation defense. I am also getting ready to move all my stuff to LuYi’s. I leave for Korea on Saturday. I have to prepare for a talk bout Academics and Business at the ATI conference. Robert has suggested a broad range of topics. I will try to get three shirts. John
8-6
LuYi and I gave a great talk. He translated 16 slides that we used to photocopy and distribute to the other employees. We all gathered around the table in Johnson’s office (where Leo used to sleep) and talked about 3 parts to the company. 1) individual, team and company building, 2) current testing and sales, 3) proposed demonstration sites. We discussed questions and then Leo asked if I would talk about Marsha’s suggestion of career development. I also reiterated my statements to the ATI fellows that you design your own job during the time you have made free.
8-7
I am packed and ready to leave for Korea. Academics, Academics, Academics. “A Treatise on Motion, Deriving Drift from Diffusion” How about that? I talked to grandma and grandma and grandpa. I am going to prepare an ATI portfolio w/ the help of Elizabeth. I am going to run, lift, and write. I will do some laundry and go into Shinwoo a couple of times. I have been having such a great time. Emma, LuYi, Dennis and I got the schedule of the conference and budget of the summer organized yesterday. How about that? John
8-8
I had a really nice day in Korea. I went for a run, went to church, had some bananas and breakfast. I read, went to the café, and have been typing up this journal. I feel still torn about girls. I wrote an email to one, making it easier to focus, but after reading my own words in this journal about my reservations about all my previous relationships that I could have a future with, I don’t know if I should re-establish my efforts to get away from all connections. That is not what I want. John
8-9
We had a typical family dinner last night. That is a typical Korean family dinner. Lots of talk, SoJu, multiple rounds of beef, and of course garlic. Two of Minchoong’s sisters and their families came over. One I was able to remember from Gonjoiu down South when we went to the World Cup. I found pictures on the computer of us down south and the 16 year old had a laugh at my hair. She is a little reserved, but I think she speaks English even though she did not speak it to me. We talked a lot and I drew some pictures. I learned about when Songu and Sonik will arrive, next week. I asked to go to Shinwoo and the Water Park. I also found an R&D Lab near their house to go to for ATI. John
8-10
I am in my second work day in Korea, I went for a run and I am waiting to go to Tae Kwon Do. I had a night of maneuvering though lots of people virtual paths. I did not like it. I don’t know how to place some things, since I have nothing or no one to compare that to. What I wonder is why I am in those situations at all. Yet the effects of last nights tribulations was evident this morning at the lake when my path crossed others. I wish I could be more explicit, but I would be called fanciful and unbelievable if I were to fully describe the things I think are the reason why I had a miserable sleep. Maybe today will be better. John
8-11
The dinner I had last night w/ Minchoong and Onion, was very sur-real. It was filled with family feelings. They are such a nice couple. We watered the outside lawn and trees before dinner and I helped a mother w/ her little girl get a bicycle chain back on track. After dinner I went to the café to read about Angular Momentum. L=PxR. It is not so simple. I am going into Seoul today to find some cash and look for a gift for Casey and Mac, Philip and Heather, Uncle John and Michael. I wrote about a page maybe two yesterday. It is dense but sounded like a great framework. I will need to have at least three chapters maybe four by mid September. John
8-12
I have gotten my paints out. I have a primed canvas set up. I want to do something for Mac and Casey but I don’t know her well enough. Basket Ball, no, School, no, I also want to do a painting for Philippe and Heather. I could do Paris, Maybe. I could just paint and see what comes out. NO. I will take an hour to drink cold drinks and to contemplate. I also need to write. I need to have something to give to my professors. I need to get their comments back before Halloween. John
8-13
I am going through my old emails from the past 6 or 7 weeks. Some is fun but Stanford’s webmail is to cumbersome. I got invites to parties with Bart and Amanda, Sharon and Thad, and Trinity Parish. Tom wrote me and I wrote Dr. Shapiro. Lucy got her Ph.D. and the pool at Bishops is being filled. The conference has lots of little important things and people like to have their say. That is why money is spread like in capitalism, but it is also hard to do large projects like the 3 gorges dam.
8-14
Saturday, I am tired. But I have my thesis to write. It is raining outside. I got lots of emails done last night and I got some back today. I want to talk w/ the fellows in Shanghai, since they got hit by a typhoon last night. I emailed with Shirley late last night, but I think it hit after I went to sleep. The conference is getting changes. I am feeling like people are making decisions without consulting me because I make decisions w/ out other people. John
8-15
Sunday morning. 9:15am. I watched the football game between Korea and Mexico last night. Korea had an early and the only goal of the night. It was lots of fun to care about an outcome w/out there being too much at stake. I have to no way to know what actions or inactions will do, I only know that I have been so disappointed before that I am scared to not do something. But I don’t always know what to do. John
8-16
I have the place to myself. I don’t know how that is different than when I was younger. I don’t like some of the new parts of me. I don’t like having to concern myself w/ things that if I don’t, I will think terrible thoughts about myself. It is as if I have been placed inside of a fun house where every choice is a potential for disaster, and yet I am constantly told that everthing is the same. How can that be? How can things be planned decades in advance and yet ruined in seconds? Touché or Souflé.
8-17
Songu and Sonik arrived tonight. We went to dinner and talked. Sonik is much bigger. He looks like a young man, almost. I spent the day on the computer. I felt like I had to remember what I was trying to accomplish or else I would not be able to say what I wanted to say in each email. Yet I got lots sent and I wrote my abstract for my thesis. I have to add 3 things, a thermal envelope, the quadratic discrete binomial stepping, and the free electron. With those things I will have lots to say and a lot left to do, although I already have a lot done. I also should send a copy to Ingrid. John
8-18
It is a rainy morning. Songu, Sonik, and I had breakfast before Songu and I are heading into Seoul to visit w/ Hyan Sug Kim of Seoul National University. I will try to get them accustomed to what ATI does in their conference sites. With only so many days left here, I am sad I don’t get to go to the water park. I am not sure why things work out the way that they do. John
8-19
I wrote a great abstract last night. I also wrote about five letters to people I want to send the abstract to. I am timid to send a copy to my prospective committee before Dr. Brooks gets a chance to look it over. For two reasons. One to get her comments on how it sounds and two to tell the committee that she has looked over my work.
Breakfast has been served and Songu is dressed for orientation. It reminds me of starting my class, which is something I love.
8-21
I missed a day. I said to myself maybe twice yesterday that I would write in my journal later. Minchoong and I stayed up laughing till late. We woke everybody up. He woke everybody up and I helped. He is really a special person. We talked about Songu and Shinwoo. About Suwon and LA, about the Navy and Samsung. About wives and daughters. Life is still hard and difficult to understand, but all you can do is all you can do. John
8-22
I was happy yesterday. Yet the trials that find me, keep testing my ability to find that happiness. It would not be so bad if it did not seem to have intent behind it, but I can not get away from feeling that I make people mad at me because I want to succeed myself. I find the changes in the tone of my voice as the only thing that makes me continue on. The voice of others can too, but it becomes disappointing again to know it is not true. John
8-29
I am at the café with two cappuccinos to my left. I don’t know why the ladies here keep bringing me an extra cappuccino when I order my drink, but it does help me to remember heat loss and that makes me then think about Mr. Morgan and the Queen. God how dis-connected (or interconnected) is my mind?
I leave for Beijing tomorrow. I am almost to the point of now knowing what to do with myself, but now I remember my thesis, my newsletter, my committee, my personal files, and my parties. It will be nice to see Anupam.
8-30
Monday morning. Oh what a day. I have only a clue to judge where I am. Is my estimation right? Is my momentum correct such that I can ensure my future? What else do I need to worry about? Synchronicity. JHL
